Welcome to My Divorce Pal!
There are five tracks to My Divorce Pal and then modules within each track. Because ending your marriage is not a neat, tidy, linear process, My Divorce Pal is designed to be super flexible – each module is a stand-alone message. You don’t have to do them sequentially and you don’t have to complete one track before you move onto another.
You will need a membership in My Divorce Pal to access these modules and you can find out more about joining here. If you’re interested in finding out more, please do check out my complimentary audio programs, 5 Ways To Know If Divorce Is Right For You, What You Need To Know About Preparing For Divorce, and What You Need To Know About Parenting And Divorce.
Here are the tracks:
Is Divorce Right For Me?
Preparing For Divorce
Parenting And Divorce
Your Financial Future
Taking Care Of Yourself
Is Divorce Right For Me?
This track is designed for people who are trying to decide if ending their marriage is the right decision for them. Even if it’s your spouse who is bringing up divorce, some of the modules in this track may help you.
Here’s what’s covered in this track:
| Is Divorce Even An Option? Lots of people have said their marriage was troubled for years and it took them a long time to even see divorce as an option. Why do we block it out and how can you break through that? |
I'm Afraid If you know your marriage is over but you can't bring yourself to take the next steps toward divorce because you're afraid of the future, you are not alone. |
| What About My Marriage Vows? People often say they don't want to tell their spouse it's over or file for divorce because they don't want to break their marriage vows. Here's my perspective on that. |
I Don't Agree With Divorce What if you know your marriage is deeply trouble but you've always disagreed with divorce? |
| What If I Make The Wrong Decision Ending your marriage is a big decision and it's one that deserves careful, in-depth consideration. It affects your spouse, your children, your extended family and friends, so it isn't a decision to be made lightly and it is scary. |
I Don't Want To Be The Bad Guy Have you had a friend or family member ask you why you don't get divorced or why you stay? Have you ever said "I don't want to be the bad guy?" Why do you see yourself as the bad guy for choosing to end your marriage? |
| Help! I Wish My Spouse Was Dead This is one of those hush, hush topics about divorce that isn't openly talked about. Why? Because you're not supposed to think like this. It's bad. It's mean. It's dark and that must make you a bad person. But people do think this. It's way more common than you realize. |
I'm Scared Of Being Alone When you think about ending your marriage, do you hear your inner voice say, "But I don't want to be alone!" You might be so scared of being alone, of never meeting another partner, that you'd rather stay in your marriage, even though it might be the loneliest, unhappiest place. |
| I Don't Want To Hurt Anyone Keeping everyone happy is a tough job and there's no getting around it: divorce probably means that the people close to you are going to be unhappy at some point. |
I Can't Tell My Spouse Have you ever said to a friend or told yourself that you would end your marriage, but you just can't bring yourself to tell your spouse? It's helpful to recognize that deciding to end your marriage is a separate decision from how to tell your spouse. In between those two, there's a whole lot of preparation that needs to happen. |
You will need a membership in My Divorce Pal to access these modules and you can find out more about memberships here. If you’re interested in finding out more, please do check out my complimentary audio program, 5 Ways To Know If Divorce Is Right For You.
Preparing For Divorce
This track is designed for people who know or are pretty sure divorce is in their future and who want to start untangling and getting ready for the legal process.
Here’s what’s covered in this track:
| Creating Your Professional Divorce Team Most people automatically think of hiring an attorney when it comes to divorce, but there are quite a few other professionals who offer valuable and important services that you should also consider. These people will form your Professional Divorce Team. |
You Always Need Legal Advice You ALWAYS need legal advice for divorce. Even if you do end up handling your divorce yourself, you need to start with good legal advice so you can make deliberate, intentional decisions with a full and clear understanding of your rights and obligations. And the sooner the better! |
| When To File For Divorce You might be thinking that having concluded that your marriage is over, whether it's you or your spouse who's decided, the next step is to file for divorce - but no. Unless there are red flags about your spouse's behavior, there is no need to rush into the legal process. This module tells you why. |
Starting Your Financial Preparations Deciding how you and your spouse will divide your assets and liabilities is one of the key elements to the legal divorce process. Starting your financial divorce preparations, gathering all the information, and getting a complete pictures is usually very time-consuming and can be especially daunting if you've not been the one handling your finances. |
| Telling Your Spouse Telling your spouse you want a divorce is a hard conversation, but if you know your marriage is over, having the conversation is the right thing to do. |
Telling Your Children Telling your children about our divorce is definitely a hard conversation, and it's one that most people dread. It's extremely important that your children hear from your divorce directly from you and not from a third party. Nor should they learn about it through an overheard conversation. |
| Going Public With Your Divorce Having your spouse learn about your divorce plans from a third party will likely make a difficult situation more difficult - and your children should absolutely hear it from you and your spouse first. |
Resolving Who Moves Out On the surface, the answer is quite simple - it's either you, your spouse, or both of you. Gone are the days when dad automatically moved out and mom stayed with the kids. And when we add timing, money, and emotions into the mix, it can get complicated. |
| Your Name - It's Complicated! Through the legal divorce process, you will have the opportunity to change your last name and this is a much easier name change process than changing it independently of divorce. But, deciding on your name is more complicated.... |
Renegotiating Your Relationship With Your Spouse While your divorce means the end of your marriage, it doesn't necessarily mean the end of your relationship with your soon-to-be-ex (STBX). |
You will need a membership in My Divorce Pal to access these modules and you can find out more about memberships here. Even though you may have decided to end your marriage, starting the legal process is usually not your next step. It’s all about getting prepared. Find out What You Need To Know About Divorce Preparations in my complimentary audio program.
Parenting And Divorce
If you and your STBX have minor children, this is a mandatory track for you. Don’t wait until your divorce is final or until your attorney gives you a draft parenting agreement. Figuring out how you’re going to guide, support and parent your children through the end of your marriage and beyond starts even before you’ve told your children your marriage is over.
In this track we tackle the following:
| Creating Your Parenting Plan A parenting plan is a document that sets out how you and your soon-to-be-ex will parent together after your divorce. It's not just about when your children will spend time with each of you; it's also about how you will make parenting decisions. |
Stress-free Parenting Exchanges The goal is to make parenting exchanges smooth and drama-free for everyone, especially your children. It's hard for them to be moving between two homes anyway and imagine how it feels if they got caught in a shouting match or an argument between you and your ex every time. It doesn't get the parenting time off to a good start. |
| You Are Still A Parenting Team You may be ending your marriage so you won't be spouses any longer, but you are still parents and will be for the rest of your lives. Experts agree that children generally do best when both parents are actively involved - and your child will do even better if you can function as a team. |
The Importance Of Flexibility Parenting plans need to be very detailed and specific. So why, if you put all this effort into developing and agreeing to a plan, would you need to be flexible? Why not just stick to the plan? |
| Being A Better Parent After Divorce We often hear studies showing negative effects of divorce, but often people feel they become better parents after divorce. Why is this? |
Communicating As Parents Communicating as parents after divorce is not just about how you communicate with each other, but also with your child - and your child's teachers, activity leaders, and coaches. It's important that you try to do this well because it does have a direct impact on your child's daily life. |
| Two Homes, Different Rules The reality of most divorces that involve children is that they now have two homes and that means two sets of rules. You and your ex probably didn't agree on all the parenting and house rules when you married. Now you're getting divorced, those difference could become more pronounced as you both decide to follow your own approaches to parenting. |
When Your Child Is Sick It's inevitable: your child is going to get sick, they'll need to go to the doctor, they'll need to stay home from school, and guaranteed: it's never going to be convenient. But it's part of being a parent and you need to be prepared to deal with it. |
| The Honeymoon Parent Typically, the term honeymoon parents is used to refer to a parent who has little responsibility for the logistics of day-to-day life such as school, homework, sick care or after-school activities. So, they are seen as the "fun parent" - the one whose parenting time is all about fun activities, shopping, and hanging out. Other phrases for this are the Disneyland parent or the rock star parent. |
Accepting Your Ex Divorced parents often struggle with their ex not being the parent they want them to be. This expectation is frustrating for everyone - you, your ex, and when they hear it, your children. |
|
BONUS: When Your Child Doesn't Want To Visit Many divorced parents have to handle their child not wanting to visit either with them or their other parent - not as a one-off occurrence, but rather a repeated pattern. It can happen for a number of reasons. |
You will need a membership in My Divorce Pal to access these modules and you can find out more about memberships here.
Your Financial Future
The reality is that for the vast majority of us there is less money after divorce. The financial decisions you make now will have a long term impact on your financial future. Educating yourself now, confronting your fears about money now and approaching these decisions from a rational, logical viewpoint will have a tangible, real impact on financial well-being.
In this track we tackle the following:
| Getting Prepared For Your Financial Negotiations As part of your legal divorce, you and your spouse will have to come to a formal, legally-binding agreement on how you're going to divide everything you own and everything you owe. In this module, we talk about what information you're going to need and how to organize it. |
Yes, You Do Need A Budget Many people know that they should have a budget, but don't - or have parts of a budget process, but not others. But you really do need one now. |
| Using Your Credit Report To Help You Your credit report details your financial behavior based on your creditors' and public records. It's essentially the same information that lenders see when they check your credit history. Because it lists all your accounts against which you can borrow - including mortgages, home equity, credit or debit cards, and installment plans - together with all closed accounts and anything that's in collection, it's a great way of checking you have a complete record of all these accounts. |
What Happens To The Family Home For many people, the family or marital home represents their largest asset and, as such, deciding what happens to the home is often the single decision that has the biggest influence on your financial future. |
| Creating Your Personal Property Inventory Your Personal Property Inventory is about all the personal items you and your spouse own which you will have to decide how to divide. Another way of thinking about this is it's everything inside your home that could be moved elsewhere - everything that is not permanently installed. |
Creating Your Financial Inventory Your financial inventory lists every financial asset and liability you and your spouse own, regardless of whether it's held in your name only, your spouse's name only, or in both of your names, and regardless of when it was acquired. |
| Adjusting To Post-Divorce Financial Realities For many people, the financial reality of ending their marriage is that there is less money. It's simple economics - it costs two people more to live apart than to live together, and that means having to make changes to your spending habits. |
The Ins And Outs of Child Support An essential element to almost every divorce involving minor children, child support is the resolution of how you and your spouse will share the expenses related to your children. |
| Tackling Spousal Support Spousal support is probably one of the most contentious, bitter issues in divorce, and before you get into the nitty gritty of negotiating this, you should spend some time understanding your emotions around the issue. |
Putting Your Financial Affairs In Order Chances are that as you and your ex have been negotiating your financial settlement, you've already been making some changes, such as opening your bank account and credit card. Once your divorce is final, however, it's time to really move ahead with these changes. |
You will need a membership in My Divorce Pal to access these modules and you can find out more about memberships here.
Taking Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself through the end of your marriage, through the legal process and beyond is a priority. Very simply, if you take care of yourself you’ll be in a better position to handle all the changes that are happening in your life. At a deeper level, taking care of yourself is about reconnecting with your authentic self, learning from your divorce and creating the next phase of your life.
Here’s what we tackle in this track:
| Making Your Needs A Priority Are you taking care of yourself? Are you making your needs a priority? |
Exercise: Taking On A Physical Challenge Lots of people take on a physical challenge after divorce, such as running a road race or a marathon or participating in a triathlon or long distance bike ride. Often it's an activity they've done before and they're taking it to a new level, or it's an activity they used to do but haven't done for a long time. Sometimes it's something completely new. |
| Writing To Heal Many people find writing about the end of their marriage therapeutic. The process of writing means organizing your thoughts and that can help you make sense of what is going on. |
Getting To Forgiveness Forgiveness is a fascinating topic - very important, not easily, and often misunderstood. In the context of divorce, the obvious target of forgiveness is your ex, but it can also be about forgiving yourself, and that can be harder than forgiving your ex. |
| Asking For Help Divorce almost always means having to do more with less, and one area you'll notice this in is that you no longer have a partner to share all the tasks and errands of daily life. There's one vital skill that you need for this, and that's asking for help. |
What To Do With Your Wedding Memorabilia This is about figuring out what to do with all the wedding-related items you probably still have. You know - your wedding dress, photos, videos, order of service, congratulatory notes, and of course your engagement and wedding rings. |
| Everyone Needs A Handyman Going through your divorce, you'll already have your professional support team in place - that's your lawyer, your realtor, your financial advisor, your therapist. Now it's time to broaden that and add the people who are going to help you live on your own without your spouse. |
Understanding Your Emotional Eating Whether you're losing weight or gaining weight through your divorce, how and what you're eating is often influenced by your emotions. While divorce may make this more noticeable, chances are this isn't the first time you've experienced emotional eating. |
| Are You Ready To Date? Dating after divorce is a huge topic with a whole industry built up around it. Start with the question of when to start dating after divorce. It's all about time and timing. |
Do Dating And Kids Mix? Many people who get divorced are parents, and while shared parenting time may give you free time during which you can date, keeping these two parts of life neatly compartmentalized may not be easy. |
Not a member? Not a problem! Find out more about My Divorce Pal.